Her Father’s Pride

“There is this girl who stole my heart and she calls me Daddy.”


I see myself like a flower
Each day I grow, I blossom and I undergo end result


But I do not do it all on my own

I’ve the ideal Gardener

Who takes best care of me


This gardener isn’t just an everyday person

He’s the owner of the whole lot top

Perfection is one in every of His names


He clothes me with the prettiest clothes

Just so He can show me off as His maximum elegant introduction

And although He surrounds me with the alternative stunning creations

He nonetheless guarantees that I am the maximum lovely of them all

Simply so He can keep to take pride in me

I see myself as a priced possession

One that has been offered with a rate that can not be measured with fabric wealth

I see myself as a shinning celebrity
One that shines so shiny it’s far nearly blinding
One which has been in particular crafted for the only reason of bringing glory to my grasp


I see myself as a royal priestess of the Holy kingdom
and how proud I’m to had been given this title!



Searching at myself through my Father’s eyes is all I ever want to do
In them I see wish, love, information, pleasure
I experience a feel of belonging
I get hold of power to perform hard duties

How my coronary heart bursts with a lot pleasure with simply the notion of Him being mine and that i being His!


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Unfiltered

I hate this unsettling feeling of self-pity

It makes me feel pathetic

“… ignorance is bliss…”

I believe the poet who originated these words understood the meaning and message this statement carries

Because there is absolute truth in these words

Sometimes I wish I never dabbled in some things

Maybe then my life would have been better

“Curiousity killed the cat” is another quote that is applicable here

Only that I’m not dead

However I’m left with scars and demons that I fight everyday

I hate this unsettling feeling of self-pity

It makes me feel pathetic

Like I can’t just come to terms with my past and get over it

It’s slowly rubbing off on the people around me

My vibes these days are sadder than those dry jokes from my secondary school days

I know I’m not alone

I know I have a Father who is willing and ready to fight this battle for me

But then something keeps drawing me back from him

Maybe it’s because I feel like I keep disappointing Him so He is getting tired of me

Either ways, I just need this feeling and the demons to go away

They have overstayed their welcome

Continue reading “Unfiltered”

Not Okay

But here’s the thing—we can’t mend what’s shattered, not by ourselves. We can’t repair our broken lives and broken relationships and broken hearts . . . on our own.

We need God.

Hujambo kila mtu! Habari gani?😁

So I’d love to share something I read in my devotional, “Accepting Where You’re At// Surrender The Journey”, a few weeks back. This is a message for someone hurting out there. You think this is the end of your life but God is telling you today that He is with you. Enjoy!😇

P.S: Please read it to the end. There’s something in it for everyone🙏🏽.

“Not Okay”

You can yell at me if you want, shout loud your pain, let the tears rain down. Yes, I can take it. You can ball your fists, press your nails into your weary palms and pound them against my chest. You don’t have to try to pretend you are okay, with me. I know you feel like you’re not. I know you feel the opposite of okay.

It has been a long time, you think, of feeling like this life of yours is overwhelming. You are wondering how to get through this day, this hour, let alone tomorrow. You have no idea how to do it. You can hardly think. You are shutting down. You don’t want to feel. It all feels too much. But, listen . . . I have made you to feel. Feel anger at injustice. Feel sadness with disappointment. Feel energized by a challenge. Feel reticent when insecure. And this is okay. You, in the middle of all this, are okay.

Pay attention to what I am doing in your heart—with your emotions, your thoughts. Ask me to help you decipher them. Ask me to show you why you feel the way you feel. But these emotions? Feel them. And show them to me. The open-hearted surrender of your emotions to me will help you see me in the storm, in the madness you feel when emotion is all you know and nothing else makes any sense.

Will you let me inside?

Son, daughter, raise your head. Look at my face. My eyes are on you. My arms are around you. With each tear you shed, I cry too. With each wave of anger, I hold you. You are not shattered into a million broken pieces that can never be fixed. You are not weak and powerless. You are not trapped. You are not a hopeless case with no way out. I am steadfast, and you are mine. I know your pain, and I help you endure it. I pour into you strength and faith and resilience to withstand storms, any storm.

You don’t have to be okay. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to have the answers. You don’t have to have this all figured out, hold the key to the puzzle of your life. Peace comes with surrender and with faith, a knowing that you can rage and despair and struggle and question, and I will stand by you. And eventually, I will help you see your situation more clearly. But pretending you don’t need me is not what will bring you peace.

Surrender. Let me in. Let’s make this okay.

Exercise:
When we are overwhelmed, stressed out, maxed out, distraught . . . When we’re brokenhearted, furious, depressed, or just done . . . it’s hard to be okay with letting ourselves feel, feel all the emotions of the moment. We’d much rather they just stop. We’d rather shut them down, toughen up, fix ourselves, regain control.

But God made us, He knows us . . . and He made those emotions too. He built us to feel them. He wired us so that we can feel them. So that they can work in us, work through us.

So, could it be that feeling them, and letting them work, is exactly what we need to do? Could it be that those emotions are good for us? Are healthy?

I get it, we want to fix what’s broken. We feel shame about what’s broken, and so we feel a responsibility to fix this stuff ourselves. But here’s the thing—we can’t mend what’s shattered, not by ourselves. We can’t repair our broken lives and broken relationships and broken hearts . . . on our own.

We need God.

And we need to let Him work the way He wants to work. In His way. With His timing.

Maybe that’s not what you want to hear right now. Maybe that seems weak or futile.

It’s not. It’s neither.

It’s actually how we tap into the most powerful force in the universe, and how we let that force work in our lives, work in our hearts, deal with our pain, our disappointment, our fears, how we let it deal with our circumstances.

Your Father knows your pain. He knows, and He is good. He runs to you in the middle of the storm and stands. He stands with you and does not stumble or struggle. He stands with you, and He will not leave.

Let’s let Him touch the tender places in your heart—the rage, the sadness; the frustration, the confusion.

Let Him come to you, stand next to you, and put his arm on your shoulder. Let His strength become your strength. Lean in—a son or a daughter leaning into a strong, good, perfect Father. Notice how He takes the burden you’ve been carrying. Let Him take it.

And let the emotions come. Let them come to the surface. Don’t push them down or away.

Let go.

There’s nothing else to do.

Nowhere else to be.

You are loved.

You are His beloved son. You are His beloved daughter.

You are so okay.

Everything is okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

#LevelUp

Usually, when I say “I’m done”, I’m not done. When I’m really done, I won’t say “I’m done”. I’ll just be done. Did that make sense?



For so long I held on to the false hope that you might be interested in me
Every night and day I told myself that I only had to try harder so you’ll see that I’m good enough for you
So I out-did myself
I tried so hard to keep up our conversations so it won’t die out
I tolerated your crappy behaviour even when I was on the verge of losing it
I even comforted myself with made-up outcomes of all these in my head
But now I know better

“I’ve been your doll, that you poke for fun too long”

Everyday I preach to girls that they should treat themselves like they’re royalty
But here I am getting worried-sick with demeaning thoughts just because of “one person”
Lowering my standard just so some dude who isn’t even sure of himself would fit in
Just so I could be ‘happy’
How stupid of me!

“Don’t look back, I won’t come back, Can’t do that no more”

I once told myself that I was done making excuses for people
I was done wasting my energy on people who don’t value me
But now I’m not going to repeat those statement
I’m just going to pick up my crooked crown, straighten it up, place it on my head, raise my chin to the world, and walk away from all these majestically
Because, my dear, this is exactly what queens do
And I am definitely one

“Go get your praise from someone else
You did a number on my health
My word is brighter by itself
And I can do better”



FEY👑

N.B: All quotes attached to the pictures are gotten from the song “Trust My Lonely.” Happy reading💋

A Closer Look into the African Mind (1)

Some days are definitely better than others
Some days I feel like I’m on cloud nine
Like I’m the most important person on the surface of the earth
Like I can achieve whatever I want to so far I have God and my family around me
Like the joy of being surrounded by the most incredible people couldn’t be greater than it already is
These days represent the optimistic me
The part that hopes all things, endures all things and believes all things

But when the pessimistic me decides to raise her ugly head up
The optimistic me can’t help but drown
Leaving me in the cold hands of anguish, angst, toxic feelings, mood swings, insecurity and sadly depression
These days last for a longer period

Sometimes I just want to talk about it cause I believe it will help me feel better
But then I feel like people are just going to pity me like I’m some hopeless charity case who can’t seem to get her life together
So I keep everything bottled up within me
What a cowardly move, right? I know
But then I can’t help it

I was taught to have ‘thick skin and an elastic heart’
Not to wash my dirty linen in public
To be bold, black and beautiful
To be fearless
To build my empire in private
That way people won’t take advantage of my weaknesses

However, some of the things I have learned from all these is that having ‘thick skin and an elastic heart’ offered me no emotional stability
Being ‘bold, black and beautiful’ offered me no emotional stability
Being fearless offered me no emotional stability
And obviously building my empire in private is yet to bring about emotional stability

So much for being independent…

 
                                                         Fey👑

Let Go and Let God

For the longest time, I lived my life to please others. I’m not sure how it started but I just know that by the time I was in secondary school, I had started caring a lot about what people thought of me. I always wanted to look good in front of others. A lot of people got so accustomed to this behaviour that whenever I tried to act otherwise, they knew the exact words to throw at me to make me feel bad. I’m not here to throw blames at anyone because I sincerely believe it isn’t worth it.

Anyways, this habit of mine reduced by the time I entered Senior school but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel terrible each time I lost a friend because I decided to stand my ground. The good thing about doing that was that I was creating space for the amazing people that were yet to come into my life but I didn’t know that. At that point, I couldn’t understand this process. I wanted all the answers.

This habit is something I’ve struggled with. Some days it looks like I’m making a lot of progress at getting rid of this habit but then when my bad days come, it feels like I’m back to square one. Up until now, it is still something I’m still struggling with.

However, one of the things I’ve learned as I grow in Christ is that it’s okay to be clueless about some things especially when those things happen unexpectedly (this has to do with me wanting all the answers). This is the beginning of having absolute faith in God and His plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11; Isaiah 55: 8-9).

Also, another thing I’ve learned is that it’s not everybody that will like what you’re doing or even support you. Even those you expect to be the happiest for you may not even like that you’re progressing in life and that’s perfectly normal (this sounds unbelievable but it’s the truth). We’re all human and the flesh is selfish and self-centered. Of course they won’t come out to tell you this but like the wise saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.”

At this stage, what you shouldn’t do is to get upset with them. This is easier said than done but honestly speaking, it’s not worth it. The only thing you’ll get out of this is unnecessary stress and hypertension and sincerely you don’t need that kind of energy. Now what you should do is to let them be. If you tell them about your plans and all you’re greeted with is silence then let it slide, go back and SEEK the face of the Lord. After you have done this, WAIT for His response. This might come in various ways but the most important thing is that you were patient enough to wait on Him.
(p.s: sometimes the response you may receive from God may also be silence because what you want to go into may be a sin or may cause you havoc in the long-run and you honestly don’t expect a go-ahead from God to engage in sin or do something that will affect your life negatively).

Lastly, if you’ve followed the previous step and you’re convinced that what you want to go into is part of His plan, then all you have to do now is to start it anyway irrespective of the fact that you might receive zero support from your family or friends. Trust me when I say that God will raise helpers for you, people you didn’t even think about will come wanting to help turn your dreams into reality.

On a final note, by the time you start this dream of yours and it is growing, I strongly advise that you don’t build up any feeling of hatred or bitterness against those people who didn’t support you. I know I’ve already stated you shouldn’t get upset with them but the truth still remains that we can’t help but feel a slight anger towards them for not being there for you when you needed them the most. Once we start feeling this way, we must learn to Release Forgiveness unto them. This process is something we should do each time the feeling resurfaces. By doing so, you free yourself of unnecessary stress and pain, and you have a clear head for fresh ideas to flow so it’s a win-win on both sides.

I hope I’ve been able to help a number of persons with the points I’ve raised. The conversation doesn’t have to end here, feel free to email me if you need more tips or if you have any contibutions. I may not always have all the answers so we’ll learn from each other. If you also want to share your story with me on how you handled a similar situation, send me an email as well. I’d love to hear your stories and learn a few things from it. I love you all and thanks for existing .
                                                        Fey
                                               
   BTW, Merry Christmas everyone!!!💐❤
                                                       
Email address: desolafeyikemi@gmail.com     

Growing Pains

I can never satisfy her
Even with the little sacrifices I have made- my reading time, my option of school…
She’s still not satisfied
She wants me to make the exact same sacrifices for her like she did for me
But she fails to see or even acknowledge the little sacrifices I have made
Just because I can’t meet up to her standard of ‘good’, does that make me an insensitive person?
Does that make me less of a human being?
All I ask is that people should at least look a little longer at my good sides and QUIT capitalizing on my bad sides
I’M NOT PERFECT!
I NEVER WAS AND I NEVER WILL BE!
She has her flaws too
She has no right to judge my own flaws
I’m still healing
I have a lot going on in my head
I can’t just tell anyone who is not ready to understand me
I can’t trust her with my thoughts because she broke that trust once
That has always been the problem

Fey👑

Poem Analysis

“They’d ask what’s wrong with you?
Or are you desperately in need of a boyfriend?”
It’s because of comments or thoughts like this that I decided to do a explanation on this poem. This explanation would apply to most of my works since I won’t be doing this often. Please bear with me. Now that I’ve made that clear, let’s begin:
I’ll start by clearly stating that my poems have little to do with me. It is centered around the life of a girl who just entered her teenage years. She is not used to all the ’emotional rollercoaster’ that we face as teenagers so she has difficulty putting her emotions in check. What makes it worse for her is that she doesn’t exactly have an older person in her life that she can talk to about these things, in the sense that her dad is never around, her mum is too busy taking care of the family and handling job matters to care about stuffs like that, her siblings are much older than she is plus they already have a lot on their plates to handle so she doesn’t want to be a bother hence she bottles up all of her emotions. It takes us on her journey through life, how she handles tough situations, circumstances and also on her walk with God.
Also, almost all of my write-ups (poems, short stories, and the like) are all written in the first person narrative -storytelling through the voice of the character- so you’ll see more of the pronoun ‘I’ in these write-ups.
Now, based on the poem in my previous post, she (I’m not sure if I want to give her a name) is going through a phase where she is tired of the way she is being treated by the opposite sex, friends, family and people in general. She doesn’t know how to handle this particular emotion she is experiencing so she lashes out at everyone. Hence, the tone of the poem express anger, anguish, defeat, anxiety and longing, while the mood created is a gloomy one.
I really hope I’ve been able to touch all of the important aspects needed to be explained. Thank you so much for patience and the love. God bless you.
                                                      -Love,
                                                          Fey

Female Teenage Struggles

Maybe I’m tired of always being the strong one
Maybe I’m tired of always being the friend indeed
Maybe I’m tired of always encouraging people and not receiving any when I need it

I also want the hugs and kisses
I also want to always be on someone’s mind
I also want to wake up to sweet and encouraging text messages or chats from family, friends and a special someone
I also want people to call me when they haven’t heard from me in days
I’m tired of giving love to people who don’t appreciate it or those that are too self-absorbed to reciprocate it

I know it’s against Your will Lord
I know I’m expected to show love and be kind to everyone without expecting anything in return
But I can’t help these feelings
I’m tired of being strong!
I’m tired of being selfless!

The selfish part of me wants to throw myself on the first bold guy that walks up to me to declare his ‘feelings’ for me just to show the world that I can also be in a relationship
The selfish part of me wants to be like the rest
To do what the world wants
To do what I want
To live for myself
To wear revealing clothes and hang out with friends every time I feel like it without any restrictions or regrets

I want the world’s approval too
I want someone to love me with all my imperfections and adore me too
I want someone to also look at me like I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him

Lord knows I’m tired of always being an option for guys
Lord knows I want to be a better Christian and serve Him wholeheartedly
But when these feelings overwhelm me
I can’t control them

                                                        -Fey

N.B: The next post will be the explanation  of the poem. I hope you enjoy it